A very funny read for all us virtual F-4 Drivers ( I wonder if the FM includes these...er..subtilties?)
F-22 Pilot flies F-4:
F22 pilot for Virginia ANG had honor of flying the Phantom down at Eglin....
I flew your jet a couple days ago. I had a little trouble getting the
engines started, so I climbed out and shoveled some more coal in the back;
after that she fired right up. Ground ops were uneventful, although I
couldn't figure out why the cockpit smelled like body odor, Jack Daniels and
cigars and that was BEFORE I got in it! By the way, what's with the no slip
crap on top of the intakes, it's like you have permanent icing conditions
due to that spray on rhino truck bed liner on top of the aircraft. It's no
wonder you needed so much coal (I mean thrust) to get airborne.
Take off scared the sh*t out of me. I lit the burners at brick one and 2
miles and 45 minutes later we were ready to rotate. After barely clearing
the tree tops, the gear came up and I climbed away at a VERY impressive 2
degrees nose high. In case you don't remember, Trim is your friend in the
F-4 (pretty sure it's also a good friend on the ground too). Once I got her
up to speed and a moderate altitude, we were ready for the G-Ex. Two G-turns
later and I'm sinking like a rock the F-4's energy seems to bleed like
Holyfield's ear in the Tyson fight! After the G-Ex it was time to do a
little Advanced Handling Characteristics (AHC) and by 'advanced handling' I
mean the same crap the Wright Brothers were doing back in 1903, just trying
to keep it airborne.
The jet flies much like my old man's station wagon used to drive. You turn
the wheel (push the stick) a few inches and nothing happens, then all of a
sudden the steering kicks in, inertia takes over, and all HELL breaks loose!
You're pretty much along for the ride at that point and only gravity has a
real say in your lift vector placement. 'Checking 6' was really quite easy
because you CAN'T! Scratch that off the list of Sh*t I need to do to keep
myself alive in combat today. Breathing, however, was surprisingly easy in
the F-4 when compared to that of the F-22 (thank you Lockheed) LOX works,
who knew!
I think I may have burned my legs a bit from the steam pouring out from
behind the gauges. Where are my 6 mini-flat screen TVs, I'm lost without my
HD jet displays (editors note: actually, I'm an analog guy stuck in a
digital world too. I really do like the steam driven gauges). After the AHC,
I decided to take her up high and do a supersonic MACH run, and by high I
mean 'where never lark nor even eagle flew'; but not much higher, a foot or
two maybe. I mean, we weren't up there high-fiving Jesus like we do in the
Raptor, but it was respectable. It only took me the width of the Gulf of
Mexico to get the thing turned around while above the Mach. After the Mach
run we dropped to the deck and did 600 kts at 500'; a ratllin' and shakin'
we will go. I though all the rivets were going to pop out. Reference
previous station wagon analogy! Very quickly we were out of gas and headed
home.
As I brought the jet up initial, I couldn't help but think that the boys who
took this thing into combat had to have some pretty big brass you know
whats!
My first F-4 landing was a little rough; sub-standard really by Air Force
measure but apparently 'best seen to date' according to the Navy guys. Did
you know that there's no such thing as an aerobrake in the F-4? As soon as
the main gear touches down, the nose comes slamming down to the runway with
all the force of a meteor hitting the earth.I guess the F-4 aerobrake
technique is to dissipate energy via denting the runway.
Despite an apparently 'decent' landing, stopping was a whole different
problem. I reached down and pulled the handle to deploy the drogue chute, at
which point a large solid mass of canvas, 550 cord, metal weights and cables
fell out and began bouncing down the runway; chasing me like a lost puppy
and FODing out the whole runway. Perfect. I mashed down on the breaks and
I'm pretty sure at this point the jet just started laughing at me. Why
didn't you warn me that I needed a shuttle landing strip to get this damn
thing stopped?
All kidding aside, VERY COOL jet! Must have been a kick to fly back when you
were in Vietnam! Just kidding!