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[FroggyCanuck]

Not too offensive...  an old one some of you may have seen and one of my favourites.


Pierre the French Fighter pilot.
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine . It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says, ' Pierre , kiss me!'

Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.

'What are you doing, Pierre ?' says the startled Marie.

'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!'

She smiles and they start kissing.

Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, ' Pierre , kiss me lower.'

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts.

' Pierre ! What are you doing now?' asks the bewildered Marie.

'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!'

She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, ' Pierre , kiss me much lower!

'Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap.

He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, ' PIERRE , WHAT #@ DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?'

Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly, 'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!'

[Kilo]

Crashed Groundpounder (Skinpounder ):

[VF111Sundowner]

Ok I have two but they are kinda long.

My once took my Gandfather to school to tell my class about his flying expliots in the Battle of Britain.
Now being a Scott he had a heavy accent as he began to tell my freinds about this one day's dogfight.

"Der Ah was, flying along when O'Cap shouted "Bandits tew O'clock low!" Now we pushed our spits nose down inta them fokkers. One flew across me nose and Ah gave him a good squirt of meh guns and that fokker went down in flames. Then meh plane shuddard as this other fokker riddled meh full ah holes. I cranked my Spit over on a wing and slid behind that fokker ana blasted him!"

At this point my teacher interuppted and explained to the class that a Fokker is a type of airplane.

And My grandfather replied "Aye lassy but these fokkers were flying Messerschmitts!!"

And #2

Poland: Germany is well into their invasion.
A green soldier is next inline to recive his weapon to fight when the supply Officer delcleares that there are no more rifles.
"Our Supply lines have been cut by the Hun! So the rest of you are going to the front as is."

The green soldier asks "What the hell are we supposed to fight with?" While others verbally agree.
The supply officer replies" Look don't worry American intelligence has told us that the common German soldier is uneducated and will belive anything. All you have to do is point you finger at them like this" The offcer make a gun gresture with his hand " And shout BANG! and they will fall down dead! Honest."

Grumbles of disbelief spread through the group, but alas there are no other weapons, so to the front they go.
The green soldier was hunkered down in a fox hole when a German trooper appeared at the rim shouting at him. Startled he pointed his finger and yelled "BANG!"

The german dropped his rifle clutched his chest and fell over...Dead.  The Green looked at his finger "Holy crap! it works!" he thought.
He turned and BANG BANG two more fell, in the distacne he saw three more across the field, thinking a pistol wont do, he rasied his arms like a rifle and Yelled "KA-POW KA-POW" An two of the three fell.
The third continued to advance running straight for him. Gettting closer by the second.
Green fired again KA-POW, KA-POW but this time nothing.
Again KA-POW KA-POW still nothing, the German was closer still, Green panicked BANG BANG BANG BANG reverting to his pistol finger with the same futile results.
The Huge German ran him down trampling him into the mud, and just before he lost consciousness he heard the German muttering to himself.
PANZER!
PANZER!
PANZER!
panzer!

[Ghost129er]

Ok I have two but they are kinda long.

My once took my Gandfather to school to tell my class about his flying expliots in the Battle of Britain.
Now being a Scott he had a heavy accent as he began to tell my freinds about this one day's dogfight.

"Der Ah was, flying along when O'Cap shouted "Bandits tew O'clock low!" Now we pushed our spits nose down inta them fokkers. One flew across me nose and Ah gave him a good squirt of meh guns and that fokker went down in flames. Then meh plane shuddard as this other fokker riddled meh full ah holes. I cranked my Spit over on a wing and slid behind that fokker ana blasted him!"

At this point my teacher interuppted and explained to the class that a Fokker is a type of airplane.

And My grandfather replied "Aye lassy but these fokkers were flying Messerschmitts!!"

And #2

Poland: Germany is well into their invasion.
A green soldier is next inline to recive his weapon to fight when the supply Officer delcleares that there are no more rifles.
"Our Supply lines have been cut by the Hun! So the rest of you are going to the front as is."

The green soldier asks "What the hell are we supposed to fight with?" While others verbally agree.
The supply officer replies" Look don't worry American intelligence has told us that the common German soldier is uneducated and will belive anything. All you have to do is point you finger at them like this" The offcer make a gun gresture with his hand " And shout BANG! and they will fall down dead! Honest."

Grumbles of disbelief spread through the group, but alas there are no other weapons, so to the front they go.
The green soldier was hunkered down in a fox hole when a German trooper appeared at the rim shouting at him. Startled he pointed his finger and yelled "BANG!"

The german dropped his rifle clutched his chest and fell over...Dead.  The Green looked at his finger "Holy crap! it works!" he thought.
He turned and BANG BANG two more fell, in the distacne he saw three more across the field, thinking a pistol wont do, he rasied his arms like a rifle and Yelled "KA-POW KA-POW" An two of the three fell.
The third continued to advance running straight for him. Gettting closer by the second.
Green fired again KA-POW, KA-POW but this time nothing.
Again KA-POW KA-POW still nothing, the German was closer still, Green panicked BANG BANG BANG BANG reverting to his pistol finger with the same futile results.
The Huge German ran him down trampling him into the mud, and just before he lost consciousness he heard the German muttering to himself.
PANZER!
PANZER!
PANZER!
panzer!

Those were awesome! B)

[RedSpade]

[BravoFxTrt]

lol. And the other 62 are packed with plenty of explosive for them.

[SAS~Bombsaway]

[Joberg]

Ha that's a good one, reminds me of my OPFOR days, don't think I saw any clusters that could beat that one but some of those guard units....well lets just say I'm sure they knew their jobs well but its a good thing their jobs weren't infantry!

[BravoFxTrt]

Too fucking funny and whats bad is it happens that way in r/l lol, just glad I got to see some of the real shit I saw while I served. Very funny man, thanks.

[SAS~Riken]

Ya know Bombs.... That right there is the reason we all have the phrase, "Covering Fire" Only these guys went a bit overboard on that.

Another one would have to be, the commander said he wanted a mass attack on the enemy in that building....


The third one is one that all Marines know... Cluster Fucks!!!    They are clustered, and they're fucked 

[RedSpade]

Sniper Feeling

While interviewing a US Army Special Forces soldier  in Afghanistan, a Reuters News reporter asked the soldier what he felt when killing Al Qaeda with a sniper rifle.

The soldier thought for a moment and replied, "Recoil."

[HotelAlpha]

IF you have a dirty mind then you would see the ghraphicness decipted...